Desperation doesn’t smell good on anyone.

That’s why some of my favourite weirdoes are the ones who just REEK of the stuff. You know the type. They’re the ones who consistently send you messages, asking why you aren’t responding to their witty repartee (though their version of witty repartee is something like “wOOOwwoOO! U r so sexxeeback. Letz chat?”).

I was lamenting to Anne earlier this week that I didn’t have a Weirdo of the Week yet, and that the messages had kind of tapered off. Was it something I had done or said? Did my profile need to be spiced up?

Then, Sam came into my life.

Sam is a special kind of Weirdo, the kind that sends you a message, then sends you another one wondering why you didn’t respond to his original one, then sends you yet another one still wondering and dropping hints that the two of you are soul mates and you really, really, really should send him a message so you can begin planning your life together.

Message #1 was sent at 1:07 p.m.:

Subject: Hey coolish!;)p

Body: Hey ..
You've got a wonderful profile! even the background color! it is really warm! ur pics are nice! I just wana tell u that u gain my interest , if u dont mind .. Lets chat through MSN

My… background colour is really warm? And wonderful? I actually like that he asks if I mind that I “gain his interst.” Why, yes, Sam, I do mind.

Message #2 was sent about ten minutes later, at 1:17 p.m.:

Subject: is that mean

Body: Is that mean we cant chat? It is just simple thing to do , am not asking for much .. chatting is good to discuss thoughs and share information , get to know people too!

See, the thing is, I’m not so much a fan of discussing “thoughs”. Nor am I a fan of sharing information. And I know enough people, thanks.

Sam, however, was persistent. Because he sent Message #3 six minutes later:

Subject: hmm

Body: We are both Online right now . this is my MSN ID OneLastThing.79@xxxxxx.com

dont be so lazy to not replay me .. ;)

Oh, Sam! You know me so well already! It’s because I’m lazy that I’m not “replay”ing you. If only I had the energy and motivation to respond to the One Last Thing, I’m sure we can share all of our thoughs and have little MySpace babies and live happily ever after.

Addendum: I had written up this blog a few days earlier, when I initially got those messages. Right before posting, I received yet another message from Our Friend Sam:

“Hello, I am not sure if you will ever see this msg or NO,
but you deserve a try! , I came here to Kuwait few month ago , and now I think am lacking everything , useful conversation , good friends and many things , so I thought that I may find nice people over here , I mean in this cyber Place, I understand that most of the people they use Internet to fake each others , but still for me Internet is a good technology has been created for us, where you can share your information and discuss ur thoughts and issue, also to get to know people and differenet culture.Your profile attracted me thats why I am sending you this msg , if you are interested it will be really nice if we start our first convesration through any Chat Programe , MSN or Yahoo Messenger
my ID is OneLastThing.79@xxxxxxx.com
and for yahoo SamQxxx

Thanks
Sam.”

OH, Sam. That almost made me feel sorry for you. But the stench of desperation made me look away in disgust.